I am wandering lost in a sea of perception. My opinions are changing so fast anymore I doubt myself sometimes. For that matter, my whole life I have second guessed every single thought and decision that runs though my head. I question why I am writing this.
Why is that, I ask myself?
My answer changes all the time. Perception is a funny thing. Two people can look at the same event / circumstances and see two wholly different things, based on how they perceive it. Hell the same person can see it many different ways depending on what their mood might be. I do it all the time.
What if I am wrong? What if I could have handled that better? What if the sky is green? What if? The "what if's" can paralyze.
Well.. so what? Such is life. It is what it is. Accept it and move on. Acceptance brings peace.
Back to my question. Why do I incessantly question everything, even my own thoughts?
Low self esteem? Sure that may be part of it.
Do I know that I am capable, intelligent, kind, beautiful and perfect? Some times I do. O_o
Does it mater? Only temporally.
Can I do better? Always.
Does that mean I didn't do good enough? No, of course not.
Everything is as it should be.
Do I forget this sometimes? Yes, Often.
Is ignorance bliss? Maybe, but only if you are ignorant.
Why am I writing this? Do you care? I dunno. Irrelevant.
I could die tomorrow. If I do will I have any regrets? No.
Does this mean I should stop caring about what is going on in the world around me? Not by a long shot.
Be the change that you wish to see in the world.
What I have long considered one of my greatest weaknesses is also one of my greatest strengthens.
Why do I question everything?
Because I can. Because perception changes over time. Because what I experience today, may not be what I experience tomorrow. Because I love life. Because it's a beautiful day to be alive! Because I love the questions, and the journey. Because no one can tell me my truth, just as no one can tell you yours. I have to decide what my truth is, everyday, every second. That truth may not be true tomorrow, but that's ok too.
Life is not about the destination, its about the ride.
I have glimpsed a state of perfect peace and acceptance of everything. Every now and then I touch it for a moment, sometimes I visit. I feel the interconnectedness of everything I can perceive and the hints of far more just beyond my perception. It is in these moments.. That I know, deep inside me, that everything is perfect. That no one and no thing can change that, ever.
We are all one; everything is connected.
I stand awestruck...
Then the questions come back.
Why cann't I stay here all the time? Well it's simple really. I choose not to. Not on a conscious level, on a subconscious one. My path has not lead me there yet. Yet I am not worried, it will.
Where does that leave me? With my questions. With my squirrel running around and around the hamster wheel in my head, endlessly and ceaselessly running in circles.
Today I am grateful for the questions. I am grateful for the chance to Choose my path. I am grateful for the power to create my own reality. I am grateful for the ability to question and decide for myself what rings true in my soul. I am grateful for the good times. I am grateful for the hard times. I am grateful for every second I am alive.
Today, I am grateful for everyone and everything in my life.
To my loved ones, my friends, family, those that love me, those that hate me, and those that don't know me:
Thank you. Thank you for everything.
Today, I stand in awe of life.
It is a beautiful day to be alive!
Namaste
April 2011